jus said a prayer in the shower. hey the big guy sees ya everywhere so i guess its a good icebreaker. i just feel so set when i say prayers.

did some recording today. very weird stuff. like pigeon noises and bubbly stuff and drum machines and space voices and music boxes and dreamer's dictionaries and balleds§ for frankenstein's monster and spacebars/sandbars.. cheezybizarre crap that i just love. it was really fun. i would LIKE to see myself doing that stuff one day. i dont know.

i'll make you a copy of it if you want.¶

‡my brother Dave got a job today. he's 20. its his first job. wish him luck. he has no car still. pish. but alls well. matt fixed up his stratocaster for him. and i'm here, and i'm going to go fix some chili lime ramen. see you.

Currently Listening Cars - Complete Greatest Hits By The Cars, Cars see related

i got a library card.

ooh ohh and i have panic attacks...i have to go to the doctor...haha or my mom will just show me to preacha Dale hahaHAHASHA! maybe he can cure me. he's my mom's b/f <---SLANG WALLA WALLA

...there's a Phonolue show tomorrow night at the Muse..i'm not coming for them, but there's this cool feminist type band called Ill Ease. you should seem 'em! they're lyrics are just like "i've jus' been fucked, been fucked, been fucked by the two party system!!" That's great!

Phonolue is cool, too. WHOA THERE'S BUBBLES AT OUR SHOWS NOW! i dont know. thought that was rad.

i'm crazy, man.

Currently Listening Homogenic By Bjork bachelorette see related

uhhhh...blah blah blog blog

the ballad of jim jones
thank god for mental illness

i walked from new york
and back from l.a.
i lived on a mountain
and once by the bay
i bought an apartment
and slept in the hay
but there's no place that's softer than
(your arms)
 
living today
is just getting so bad
there's a look on your face
and it says"you've been had!"
you can take all my money
but don't make me mad
cause there's nobody meaner than
(me)
 
i prayed to Buddha,
to Allah,
and Jim.
i turned to Jesus
and stayed there with him
i fell in deep
but i learned how to swim
now there's no one who's cleaner
than me or than him

Currently Playing With The Lights Out [3CD Box Set + DVD] By Nirvana Sappy see related

“In my life...what is life? a day in the life...”

Last night, for the first time in my life, i wrote a suicide note. In my head. No physical harm done. Just, well, i thought of who'd be at my funeral, and what'd they say. Very destructive thinking. Suicide is very selfish. But man I think Cupid must really get to feeling like shit. Cupid, destiny, whatever. Making those hook-ups and whatnot. I think i kind of know how he feels. Or feel like i know. I get ripped off. my Identity gets taken. I'm used kind of. I would probably name those people who may owe me some lost respect, but what's the point? I'm probably sounding selfish right now, though, really its just my  dealing bad cases of identity theives. There's one me. Take an aspect of mine, and that's alright in my eyes actually. As long as you and i mold ourselves into US. I love me.

There's this body I'm in. It's the only one I'm getting. If you take a shit and turn around and say “that disgusting shit made from THIS body?!?” that's bullshit. Don't glitter yourself up, man. The inventor of glitter must be a bitter little deusche i think. Cover-ups make-ups. gross. We're so beautful. You are what you shit and if you're ugly on the outside you're ugly on the in if you think bad of your body.

And last night i was wandering to myself, “Who is the nicest soul i have ever known?” (heh, and funny to think of sould when you're feeling suicidal) My grandpa has got to have no feeling of disgust, dislike, or anything terrible about me. Though, i think i was his favorite of his grandsons.

Last night, i saw people as oysters with two pearls – one of faults : a second of heart. It was disgusting. Of course, these were the people close or important in my existance.

I love LOVE. I need a love in my life to be and die happy. Thats not dependence, thats independence. My life is in my hands, not yours. Suicide would be giving in. to the scum. The pricks. Everywhere. I'm going to make a difference. Make you think. And i'm going to wonder wander. Yes, wonder wander. i'll cover even more than this in my day. live as long as you can. don't miss a thought.

Ah, i never say what i mean. No, that's not what i mean.

My grandpa's made me feel love. He is, fully, the second pearl, in my eyes. I've only seen him do me good. Yet, i don't think i love him the same. I never write, hardly call, seldom have the beautiful person on my mind. God, i miss the days like chewing gum when i was 8 or 9. i was probably passionate about some material thing about batman. but, at least I had a passion and happiness then. i have passions now. A love in my baby, kandace, music, my future. Anyway, So instead of writing out the suicide note or even killing myself, i wrote this. worry about me, look at me and/or think of me differently, but this was about life relevant to you and you most likely will have a thought at some of what i said. You've done something worse than masturbating. And live on and write some bad grammerized essay for a dead online blog.

"What's the most important thing in life (in one word)?" Passion

This was personal as fuck, but you needed to hear it. Or did you? I don't know. It's better than whatever the hell's on the idiot box.

Currently Playing Melody Of Certain Damaged Lemons By Blonde Redhead loved despite of faults see related